Nobody wants to suffer, yet most of us can admit that it’s hard to just move on from painful situations with ease.  Humans are complicated beings with competing impulses looking for expression at the same time. While this may be natural, it serves to keep us stuck in the pain longer than necessary. They say you have to “name it to tame it” – so simply recognizing these blocks can help loosen their hold and get you moving towards healing again.  Here are the areas to assess to see if you are inadvertently falling prey to an energy leak.

Avoidance

Difficult situations, such as a breakup, losing a job, or physical/emotional abuse, are anxiety producing – and the hallmark of anxiety is avoidance. It’s natural to want to push away the strong feelings associated with these encounters.  The problem is that avoidance keeps us stuck there. Feelings are always temporary, albeit they may be strong when they arise, but know that if you allow yourself to sit with and express those feelings, they will subside. Think of feelings as your inner GPS, they’re not there to torture you but instead to move you to take some type of necessary action for your betterment. With healing, the only way past it, is through it. Delaying dealing with things head-on just prolongs the pain.  Think of the old “remove the bandage” adage.  Quicker action is better than the slow peel. Doing so, will help you receive the gifts from having endured the pain by acknowledging the lessons learned. They provide a beneficial payoff ensuring that good is eventually served from everything.

The need for clarity or justice

Life isn’t fair, as much as we would like it to be. Bad things happen – people sometimes betray us or fall back on their promises; situations don’t always play out the way we’d hoped. The disappointment, disillusionment and even rage we feel, can make us want to seek justice. While this might be admirable to an extent, from a personal perspective, it’s too much, too soon. In an emergency triage situation, the first thing you do is “stop the bleeding.” If you don’t tend to the wound first, you run the risk of greater injury. Yes, sometimes we need to put the period at the end of the sentence by gaining greater clarity, holding someone accountable, or telling them how we feel – but our first obligation is to ourselves and making sure we are okay. After a hurt, turn inward and assess what needs to be done to heal your own wounds first. Healing requires energy and your best initial energy exertion should be for yourself.

Falling into doubt and inaction

Life can wear us down. When our reserves run low, negative and defeatist thinking can surface, zapping our energy. From this state of being, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the demands of life resulting in inaction. Our self-esteem suffers and we begin to feel unmotivated. Unfortunately then (in another natural but unhelpful reaction) we often begin judging ourselves harshly for being stuck, adding insult to injury. This is where finding a therapist, even if just for a few sessions, can be helpful. In fact, EMDR Therapy is an effective, short-term therapy that can often be completed in just 10-12 sessions.

How a Counselor can Help

Sometimes we just need an accountability partner. We need someone to check in and help us make sure we stay on track towards our goals. An impartial look at the situation can offer new solutions we haven’t thought of. A counselor can offer coping skills and stress reduction exercises, remind us of our own strengths, and promote self-care when needed. There really is no need to do this alone. There are many wonderful counselors out there waiting to help you get over the hurdles that may be keeping you stuck. At Wise Counseling we have a talented staff, of both male and female counselors, who would love to be of assistance – but no matter where you live, there are options available.  We are made to heal – but sometimes we just have to get out of our own way.  Wishing you peace and joy along the journey!

Marci Wise, M.A., LMHC is the Director of Wise Counseling, Inc. with offices in Naples and Fort Myers and offering telehealth services across the state of Florida. Check out her Facebook page for regular blogs and inspiration, or schedule your counseling appointment today with her group of talented clinicians.